It seems Sunday afternoons are now about writing, reflecting and sometimes sharing. So check out this photo…. of a great big empty wall. The same wall that up until last Thursday held my TV, DVD player and router.
I’d be lying if I didn’t admit to going through withdrawals. I’ve grown surprisingly dependent on using the TV as a source of distraction when feeling overwhelmed, of solace when feeling lonely, of entertainment when feeling bored and even for exploring Christianity when my need to know God wasn’t satisfied by reading, church and prayer.
So what possessed me to give the whole kit and caboodle away? Two reasons… First, I was spending way too much time watching, including when work had to be done and deadlines were looming. I’d get overwhelmed so I’d leave my desk and say “I just need a small break,” then I’d end up having to work well in to the evenings to meet deadlines.
Having a TV in such close proximity has been the only real downside to working from home. Now I get up, walk around, maybe get a snack or drink, take a few deep breaths and sit back down. It doesn’t work quite as well at decompressing my stress, but then I’m only spending a few minutes away at a time, so that’s to be expected. I’ve accomplished quite a bit with it gone, so the material benefits are already obvious. Plus, I’ve been falling asleep much earlier now that I spend an hour or so reading in bed instead of sitting in front of a blue light machine.
The second reason stemmed from the quality of the shows I was watching. I’m steadily becoming more sensitive to what influences I allow in my world and how they impact my thoughts and behavior. I’ve been finding I’m no longer comfortable with all the extreme violence, seriously foul language, blatant sex and assorted other debauchery, unless of course I’m in a dark mood. Then those shows call out to me in a way I can’t hardly explain. It seems that when I don’t feel God or connection with humanity for whatever reason (I suspect no one does all the time,) then I don’t seem to want to watch anything wholesome, heartwarming or uplifting. I get bored and restless and instead watch some dark jaded show (the latest being Black Mirror and The Boys) and end up just feeling vaguely polluted and yucky.
I’d noticed this pattern last month and intuitively knew the solution (thank you Holy Spirit), but wrestled with letting go. There are occasionally good shows too and I really clung to the excuse of hosting movie night with friends. Positive that I’d never see my friends if I didn’t have them over for TV. Really? As if we couldn’t dine, play games and just chat, right? Regardless of all that rationalizing, it was last Wednesday night TV that sent me over the edge. The show was just so cynical and violent that I looked up when it was over and knew down to my toes that it had to stop. I’d had enough. So, I asked a friend if she’d like an upgrade on her stuff and the wall was empty by noon the next day.
It’s taking some effort to adjust my focus and find healthier outlets, but they’re already coming… Lots more walking, reading, a bit more writing, a bit more Audible and eventually I’ll add speakers for music, which I used to play it through the TV speakers. Plus my head is already clear, my conscience silent and my heart steadily lightening. Well worth the price of having to watch movies in the theater or at friends houses.
As I’m writing, I’m acutely aware of the sound of my porch fountain and almost nothing else. This is one of those times when I get to lean into the discomfort because I can already feel the excellent of this silence, slowly clearing my ears for that quiet inside nudge that is leading me in the direction of uncharted territory.
